Are we staying in this relationship because they’re good? Or just don’t want to be single again? Come and clarify your mind!
Backstage, we received a message that read, “I’ve been with him for almost two years.” Recently may be aware of some problems in the relationship, I am a little pessimistic about our future, do not think we are actually not suitable. But there have been many happy times in the past. KY, what’s the way to tell if the other person is the wrong person? Should I keep going with him? ”
We’ve had a lot of similar questions before: How do I know if the other person is the wrong person, and what’s the criterion? So today, we’re going to share some of the more concise and specific suggestions that you need to avoid when choosing a partner to help you determine if you’re in a long-term relationship.
Would you like continue to with him?
Whether you’re at a stage where you’ve been overwhelmed by hormones, or when you don’t know if you should give up because of the cost of so much, you should try to avoid the following six mistakes in choosing a partner:
1. Ignore some of the “red lights” that are alarming about each other’s behavior, big or small
Many people who break up and get hurt in a relationship will say, “I should have let go earlier,” “I actually knew,” “I’ve just been fooling myself.” ”
If there are deep-rooted problems in a person, then no matter how well they are hidden in the early stages, there will certainly be revealing details. For example, he shows care for you when he pursues you, but you find that he calls and drinks to the service staff. For example, you find that he habitually tells you lies that seem “innocuous”.
When you’ve noticed these alarming signals, the last thing you should do is pretend that nothing happened. Ask your partner to give him an explanation, don’t over-interpret it yourself, and don’t accept bad excuses.
Signals of small bad behavior often develop into major problems in relationships. If you always deliberately don’t care about these bad behavior signals, you may cause yourself more trouble in the future.
2. Choose a partner who has difficulty communicating with yourself
Each of us has our own usual communication style, and different communication styles do not mean that we cannot understand each other. Before entering the relationship before the “pursuit period” or love period, two people more active, active side will even deliberately adjust their communication style to cooperate with each other. It’s just that a person’s overall communication style is like character, and it’s hard to make a big difference.
For example, you think fast, talk fast, and he is slow-thinking, slow-talking; you like to speak up, tend to face conflict head-on, and he usually digests his emotions, preferring to bend to try to avoid conflict; you always think about what you say, he always thinks back and says it when he has a conclusion; you like to expose yourself, discuss deep-seated topics, and he is more inclined to keep secret ideas in mind.
Every day, every small interaction can reflect their own communication style, the differences between people is normal. The question is, can you adapt to your partner’s style and style?
3. Underestimate the seriousness of the “no call” incident
It sounds like common sense. We may subconsciously wonder: How can a person choose someone who doesn’t feel together? But in real life, there are many people who deliberately ignore this lack of physiological attraction because of other external conditions, or in order to maintain an established, stable relationship.
These people tend to say to themselves, “Feelings are slowly cultivated” and “feelings will eventually become like this.” But in fact, things like “feeling” are easily noticed early in a relationship and in everyday life. A hug, a hand, or even just the smell of the other person, it is clear that this person is attractive to you – whether you feel for a person, is not a need to “think” to know.
Although a chemical reaction is not necessarily true love, love obviously does not exist without the feeling of a chemical reaction.
4. Take economic risks
If you want to be with each other, but you’re poor and white. So it’s more sensible to solve the money problem before you think about moving your relationship to the next stage. After all, it’s hard to build a common life without financial support.
If your partner is the cause of your financial difficulties, in other words, if your partner can’t maintain a job, has no steady income, and he doesn’t have a strong incentive to change the status quo, don’t expect that to change slowly after you’re together. Of course, sometimes a relationship can begin by understanding and accepting that only one party may be responsible for making money in the future.
And if you are financially dependent on your partner’s life, find enough evidence in your life to make sure he will always support you. Then you get into a more serious relationship with the other person (such as marriage). Otherwise you’re gambling, and you don’t want your future financial security to be based on your own luck.
5. Forget that a close relationship also requires boundaries
It is a matter of neglect to establish the boundaries between the two sides in advance. You are an independent individual and you need time to be alone. You will have different interests from the other person, and you will have your own friends, family and personal hobbies. When you combine your life with another person, you are part of a community of two people. But at the same time, you retain your independence – something that needs to be recognized and respected by both parties.
If you don’t set boundaries at the beginning, it will only get harder and harder over time. You don’t need to do everything with each other. You don’t need to like the same thing. When you need your own time, you should enjoy your own time. Make sure your partner is strong enough to cope with the time you need for the time being. Otherwise, as you continue to sacrifice and compromise your personal will in life, you are likely to become resentful.
6. Disregard the faint uneasiness of the heart
How many people still feel uneasy as they walk the wedding red carpet? Maybe more than you think.
More than half of divorcees say they vaguely feel their marriage won’t work out on their wedding day, according to figures reported in a British news media report. According to a survey by Slater and Gordon, 45 percent of people don’t enjoy the day they get married, but spend it worrying and struggling.
One study found that subconscious thoughts, or intuitions, can often accurately “predict” the future development of a relationship. This subconscious attitude is sometimes very different from the satisfaction and happiness of relationships assessed by rational thinking. Surprisingly, in this discrepancy, “Sixth Sense” is more credible in its predictions about the future of the relationship (McNulty, Olson, Meltzer, and Shaffer, 2013).
The way to eliminate this “inexplicable sense of uneasiness” is to express it to your partner and then come together to find a solution. If this sense of inner uneasiness cannot be dispelled in any case, perhaps separation would be a better option.
What are the characteristics of an easy-to-success relationship?
1. Overall, you are a match
Although the four words “door-to-door” are old-fashioned, they are not unreasonable. Whether two people match their value in the marriage market – including appearance, social status, social resources, etc. – may have a greater impact on the relationship than we think. The greater the difference in the “value of marriage” between two people, the more potential contradictions in the relationship.
These contradictions may include differences in values, consumption, and life plans, and, as most people imagine, two people who are clearly out of place in every way are more vulnerable to third-party involvement.
A study by Conroy-Beam, Goetz and Buss (2016) found that the less valuable party in the relationship market was more satisfied with the relationship, even if other attractive objects appeared around them that did not affect attitudes toward the existing relationship. However, the better-off side tends to feel more dissatisfied with the current relationship when other attractive, potential objects appear, and they have more opportunities to encounter such objects.
2. You have similar health habits
The study found that the fitness habits of the two men were particularly likely to predict the satisfaction of a relationship compared to their education, religious beliefs, and appearance (George et al., 2015). In other words, if you love sports and keep working out, but your partner enjoys staying at home every day and doesn’t plan to change that, it’s a bigger blow to your relationship than you think.
The researchers believe this is because having common health habits reflects people’s attitudes toward leisure time and life, and that the fit between the two points is strongly related to whether two people can establish a long-term relationship.
3. Your sex life is harmonious and satisfying
Esther Perel, a family therapist in New York, has been studying sexuality and intimacy for years. In her view, the body often contains facts that language can easily hide. Unsatisfactory sex is often the extreme manifestation of conflict and confusion in intimate relationships. A person who is not good at refusing during sex must not be good at refusing in a relationship, and a person who is afraid to ask for it during sex and does not consider his own needs to satisfy the other person must have a similar performance in the relationship.
The body is always honest. Spiritual fit is rare and precious, and physical fit can not be ignored.
Maintaining sexual attraction in a long relationship is also an important part of maintaining emotion. Over time, it is normal to have a decrease in the frequency of sex. However, sexual harmony is mainly due to the quality of each sex life, the frequency is relatively secondary. Studies have shown that the level of sexual harmony between married couples has a direct impact on their satisfaction with the marriage (Schoenfeld, Love, Pope, Huston, sulhofer, 2016).
4. Friends around you support your feelings
Many people will think that a relationship is just about “us” and has nothing to do with others. In a way, it is – it’s your freedom to choose who you want to be with, and you don’t have to be responsible for your choices. But on the other hand, whether a relationship can be supported by a friend does tell the other way.
The study found that relationships that received the blessings and support of friends and family around them were longer and more stable in the long run (Le, Dove, Agnew, Korn, mutso, 2010). In contrast, relationships that are completely unapproved by members of their own social support systems (e.g. parents, close friends, etc.) are mostly separated before they move on to the next stage of the relationship.
5. You are all better you are in the relationship
Another important factor in predicting a relationship, or the satisfaction and well-being of a marriage, is whether both parties have the motivation to promote themselves (Georgeet al., 2015) – an easy-to-success relationship should be one in which two people reach a state of mutual promotion. This desire to lift your heart is not utilitarian, nor is it under pressure from the outside world, but a self-driven state – you all want to replenish fresh blood and make yourself better and closer to your ideal.
Psychology columnist Christian Jarrett (2017) argues that while people always emphasize being who they really are, in fact, in intimate relationships, people also aspire to be the better, idealistic self. In addition, a good relationship also provides themselves with such an opportunity and atmosphere.
In addition, being better yourself is also positive for reducing relationship burnout. Burnout often occurs when people feel that the relationship is no longer able to extend themselves more. In the face of a “ten years like a day” partner, people will inevitably feel numb and tired. And the growth that comes with being imaginary in your own process can make up for the reduction in self-extension that your partner can bring us.
The last thing to say is that even if there is no particular “formula” in love, good and unhealthy relationships must have something in common. The important thing is, is each one consistent with your situation? And you’re just fretting about it?